fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
