Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
