I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
