Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
