your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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