Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
