at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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