hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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