oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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