I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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