All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
