Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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