whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
