Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
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i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
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If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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