Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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