I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
