We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
