I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I need a beard to bite.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
