wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize
