I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i just had sex bonerless
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
