Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
