Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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