I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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