Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
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I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize