I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
