Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
