I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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