I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
