i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
did you just send me my own nude
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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