it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
