it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
