During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
