Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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