So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Randomize
