My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
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There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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