i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
