i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
