last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Two words: blizzard sex
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