I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
