I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
