Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
