it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I think i got beer on your cat.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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