so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
