I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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