oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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