he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
