You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
