You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
