But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
