Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize