if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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