She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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