I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
