My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize