how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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