I hope mine doesn't look like that
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
