I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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