I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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