we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
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I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
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I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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