What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
This can only be settled by a dance off.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
