Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
