it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
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